Once a Soldier
by Da bigg guy
Summary: Some people speculate how insignificant Earth is in the overall picture. A very small part of the bigger picture is sent to guard a tiny hawian girl and a mob of miniscule brightly coloured monsters. this description has little to do with the story
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own lilo and stitch.

Author's notes: _written_ _In Italics is thought not spoken._ And words of an alien language are translated because I only know 4 words and 2 phrases.

Please review it, good or bad, it's the only way I'll learn.

Somewhere out past the wide horizon of Kauai, something bad happened to some stupid people, several weeks later a small dull grey boat was headed to earth via wormhole to the neighbouring system of sycrosia, although the crew didn't know. Its crew was board silly with absolutely nothing to do but sit, check equipment, sit, watch anomalies go past the window and sit. This wasn't made any better by the awkward silence.

Out of the six crew only two of them where at the bridge, if it could even be called that. It had three chairs in it, two set slightly further back than the one in the centre with a long curved consol within arms reach of all chairs. In the centre chair was a lady with long flowing ginger hair, her figure wasn't visible through the thick blood red armour with gold trimmings and decorative patterns spurned all over, she was about 6 foot tall. She currently had a green concave visa made of a polymer that resembled glass that covered her entire face. She was sat in the centre chair, just to her left, in another seat, was a 7 foot man in dark grey armour (_1_) much thinner than hers, with spikes down the arms and back. He had his feet up on the console, arms hanging by his side, head tilted right back over the headrest with his mouth wide open, snoring like a gargling sink.

After a while this got on her nerves, except a while was a few hours ago, now she was completely piss at him, she was seriously considering putting him in a air lock OR a escape pod and launching him into a star. Her head filled with pleasant images of him slowly being crushed and incinerated by the star, as he screamed like a little girl. She chuckled and a little smile appeared on her face, but all these pleasantries were forcefully removed by the increasingly aggravating living sink inhaling. That was the final straw, she couldn't even think anymore so she done the first thing that came to her. She punched him in the arm with a lot of force, plenty to knock him of his chair. When he hit the floor his armour made a sound of a black bag full of empty cans falling on the floor.

'' panics the guy, he looked around and blinked slowly _I'm sure I was taller when I went to sleep_ 'ow, what was that for?' he starts rubbing his now num shoulder.

'You snore worse than a sink' she said in an irritated tone. The man sat up on the groaned.

'No I don't' 'yes you do' 'don't' 'do' 'don't' 'DO' 'don't' 'DO' 'don't' she brew a rather large hand gun out of thin air and points it at his head 'alright, so what if I do, what do you want me to do about it' he stood up, brushed himself off and took up his previous position on the chair, she still had the pistol pointed at his head. 'Could you, ya know, put that away' motioning towards the gun.

'Sorry' she said through gritted teeth, still very irritated. She put it away from where ever she got it from. 'Just I've never been with someone so ANNOYING' she clenched her teeth even harder 'your even annoying when you sleep, and it's your fault I'm even hear in the first place.'

'No it's not' she gave him her patented death glair, this had absolutely no effect what so ever for the obvious reason that he couldn't see through the visor, although he probably could guess.

'Yes it is' she moaned in frustration.

'How's it my fault you went on a drunken rampage' pleading innocence.

She was fladagasted that he had the nerve to say something like that 'YOU where trying to get me DRUNK.'

'Not trying, helping' he chuckled and smiled cockily. She gave him one of the worst death stairs she had ever give anyone, he could feel it through the visor and move slightly further away on his seat, as if 2 inches would make a difference if she went for his throat. 'Besides it was that bloc at the bar who set you off.' _I knew I should of plead insanity from the start._

'Well' coming to reason 'it's still your fault I was drunk in the first place' she was in a huff, which was an improvement and had her arms crossed across her chest. He leaned over and put an arm around her neck.

'I'm sorry you where a raving drunk lunatic' he said in an apologetic tone. She slowly turned her head away from the view screen and glared at him, it wasn't a death glare, it was well past that, he slowly retracted his arm and slid to the end of his set, teetering on the edge, looking solemnly forward, putting his feet on the ground (for once) and twiddling his fingers. He hazarded a glance at his "friend" and immediately wished he hadn't. Her face was still covered by the visor, but if the low growl and clench fists where any thing to go on she was going to kill him and touchier his soul for all eternity.

She kept starring at him for until they exited the wormhole, it seemed like hours had passed. A Bluey greenish gas giant appeared on the view screen. She seamed to relax and slouched back in her seat. 'We're hear, your landing' she reached up to remove the visor when

'No I'm not, they tuck away my licence, remember' she groaned in frustration _How can this day get any worse? _She sounded cynical even in her own head.

'Where are we going to land' she moaned

'Well, by my calculations if we go about' he scratches his chin '45 thousand light years that way' he pointed roughly to the floor 'and ask me the same question I could give you a serious answer' he said picking up at the end.

'What are you going on about?' a mixture of frustration and confusion in her voice

'That's not Earth.'

'Your just pulling my leg, that's Earth' more frustration than confusion.

'No' he leaned over the console and pushed a few buttons, a small picture of earth appeared on the view screen 'that's Earth' he pointed towards the picture.

She was losing it, her head twitching from the little picture to the big picture. She was trying to talk but only the first syllables came out and that was totally incoherent and clenching and unclenching he fists.

'You ok' he asked fearing for his health

Eventually, and without warning she stood strait up and pulled the visor of her face and smashed it off the console shattering it into hundreds of pieces the wires slid off and onto the floor. She raised her arm to bring it smashing down on anything she could smash. Knowing this the guy fled the bridge into the corridors the automatic doors slid closed behind him with a quiet wush sound, cutting some of the noise from the destruction of the boat. He leaned against the wall and sighed, the smashing muffled by the wall. _It's gonna cost a fortune in repairs. _

Hope you enjoyed, please review.

(_1_)No matter how I try to describe the armour everyone either gets really confused or says something like "oh, like master chiefs" so ill just let you make up your own mind

Some people speculate how insignificant Earth is in the overall picture. A very small part of the bigger picture is sent to guard a tiny hawian girl and a mob of miniscule brightly coloured monsters. (this description has little to do with the story)


	2. Chapter 2

I've finished me second chap and corrected the mistakes in the first one (I think), the characters will be given name in this chapter.

Author's notes: _written_ _In Italics is thought not spoken._ And words of an alien language are translated because I only know 4 words and 2 phrases. If there is a number in _Italics_(I know you know what italics looks like but it's a habit I picked up in ICT) and brackets look at the bottom for the same number.

Disclaimer: I don't own Lilo, Stitch or any other experiment that may get mentioned in this chapter

Please review it, good or bad (unless your a stupid jerk who flames for no good reason), it's the only way I'll learn.

It was half an hour since Amy (the woman in red 'n' gold armour) took her frustration out on the bridge and was currently sitting on a steal bench, her head rested on her crossed arms, on the table, in the kitchen (_4_), which was also steal, her hair made a tepee effect as it rested on her shoulders down her back and all around her arms. The kitchen was a small room with a longish table in the middle with benches either side, along the side of the room was a counter with sum cupboards over half of it, microwave on it and 4 hobs and an oven built into it, with a Gareth (guy in grey armour) perched between the hobs and the cupboards in an uncomfortable slouch. He sat up strait and almost immediately slid back into the slouch _stupid no stick surface._ The whole room was carpeted in a cheap dark green prickly carpet usually associated with mass-produced military craft and primary schools. Gareth held the paper aeroplane in his right hand close to his eye and experimentally threw the plane but never let go. He sat up again and slipped back into the slouch. Again he held the paper aeroplane in his right hand close to his eye and experimentally throw the plane but never let go. This had been going on ever since Amy calmed down but the clinking clanking and grating of his armour had her wound up again. He sat up again and slipped back into the slouch. Again he held the paper aeroplane in his right hand close to his eye and. . .

'Throw the DAMN plane' she ordered and he obeyed.

. . . let it fly as his arm clattered to the bench. It slowly moved through the air in a slow curve towards Amy. It's slow descent towards its final destination, the floor, was put on hold as a gust of air from the under door lifted it up, making it do a little shaken in mid air before heading for the top of Amy's tepee hair. To Gareths amazement it made it 2/3rds of the way before, in a puff of black smoke, caught fire and crashed into the ground. It burned out in seconds, scorching the carpet and leaving a small smouldering pile of ash.

'ooorrrwww, you spoil all my fun' sulked Gareth 'now I'm going to have to fix the carpet' he sighed

'Well now you can buy a proper carpet'

'Why? I can get another one of these for free' he sighed again _whys this journey taking so long_? 'well look on the bright side, at least you didn't psi(_1_) me bridge"

'Well, not focused anyway. You had me so ferrous I couldn't channel it at anything, just swirled around, making pretty colours' she said with a touch of remorse

There was a loud clunk and all the lights went out. It was pitch black in the room except for the burnt airplane giving off a faint glow. A few seconds later the emergency lights came one. Gareth sniffed the air

'You know what I smell?' 'No' 'bills' he taped on his communicator (_2_) 'what happened?' wondering how expensive this was going to be

A small voice in his ear said, in a deep tone 'Something under the floors broken and melted a hole in the floor. And I've almost got the controls working again' Gareth, obviously, knew the person on the other end, to have a shrill voice, not because the guy was a freak but because his voice box evolved for the purposes of terrifying high pitched screams/battle cries rather than actual communication, as a result when his species evolved a bit more, they ended up with very irritating voices.

Gareth sighed 'be there in a minute' he opened the door and left, a little while later Amy sniffed the air 'uuurrrr' and went back to resting

Gareth walked up to the bridge and straight into the door, it was meant to be the only automatic door on the ship cause the other cost more and remembering to close it himself took to much effort and it really did need to be kept closed, some of the smells from the engine room, which was conveniently right behind the bridge, where horrific.

He took a step back and marvelled at the blistered door surface. He wove his hand in front of the sensor, the door thudded but didn't move. Fortunately who ever designed the ship had foreseen something like this happening and had put a handle on, just in case. After a number of violent jerks the door was opened enough to slip in.

There was indeed a hole in the floor with wisps of blue smoke rising from it, like a pan near to boiling. The floor like the door was blistered, the lumps crunched like crisps (_5_) when he stepped on them. He walked across the room, watching the hole, just in case something unexpected happened. Then prodded the guy with his upper body in a panel, under the pilots console, in the lower back with his metal boot.

"How's it coming along?" the lower torso shuffled about. It was a very wiry frame clothed in black metal boots, black cloth trousers and the bottom half of a black T-shirt, small shiny black scales where visible where the shirt didn't meet the belt.

"The panel itself is dead you'll need a new one, but I was able to get all the functions of the panel to work on this" an arm shot out backwards, it was holding a PDA type device trailing wires back into the opening under the control panel. Gareth turned it over in his hand in case it was somehow bigger on the other side.

"Yeh, I can't land with this" Gareth stated

"I wasn't expecting you to, but I can, besides there's an auto pilot if things go wrong"

"It's a pilot assist not an auto pilot and I wouldn't trust it make me a cup of tea"

"Neither would I, but that's because it's an auto pilot not a coffee machine" said the hidden dark figure matter-o-factly. Gareth kicked him in the arse, not all that hard.

"Don't be a smart arse or I'll kick it off ya"

Sighing he walked out of the bridge, the hole was still simmering, along the corridor and down the steep stairs/ladder. While heading back to the kitchen the sound of whooshing wind could be heard over the rumble of the engines, it turned into a roaring when he entered the kitchen. Amy hadn't moved a muscle.

The Boat began to shake and rock. Gareth knew what come next and braced himself against the counter, his other hand holding the door frame. What actually happened next was the wall opposite him became the floor as the boat pitched violently as the boat court the edge of the earth's magnetic field.

"Switch off the gravity" he barked into his headset(_6_). Later he would wonder if that was such a good idea. The room continued to rotate with the roof becoming the floor, Gareth dropped to the roof and looked up at Amy. She hadn't moved an inch, not even her hair which was defying gravity by falling upwards.

Down shifted sideways throwing him to the wall, the world had went crazy. Up was back, left was diagonal and down was somewhere beyond his left ear, and every few seconds this would all change again. The last this Gareth remembered was landing on his face on a bench on the roof.

1 psy if you want

2 sort-tov like those hands free blue tooth things that make you look like your talking to yourself and hook onto your ear (_3_)

3 I hate mobiles

4 With the lead pipe, mystery solved

5 Chips if your American

6 Gravity on the boat was created by panels under the floors, usually they are controlled by the computer on the bridge to vary in strength and direction to counter other sources of gravity and magnetism, unfortunately with the computer being damaged the plates where "on" that was it and very susceptible to electromagnetic forces messing with it


	3. Chapter 3

There was a bright light, blindly bright. Gareth turned his head away for the light and realised he was lying in the corridor just outside the kitchen, the smell of curry lingered in the air. He began to ponder what had happened when he realised he could save a lot of time by just asking someone what had happened rather than lie on the floor like an idiot.

With a sigh and a grunt he picked himself up, wobbled about uneasily before gathering his senses and straightening out. Steadying himself against the wall for a moment he staggered back into the kitchen. The place was a mess, someone had made a half arsed attempt at cleaning up and someone else had been much more gracious, making a large pot of curry, which was simmering on hobs. The enticing aroma drew him in further. He got one of the few remaining bowls and helped himself to a generous portion and a slab of herd bread from the open plastic packaging on the counter. He turned and sat on the bench, ignoring Amy.

"you look like you just got you face smashed in with a hammer." She was exactly where she was before looking brighter and perkier the physically possible, it radiated from her, it was sickening, a stark contrast to his achy bones, joints, mussels and stressed, drowsy brain

"you look like you've been hit in the face with a greasy fish" he didn't mean it but he was making the kind of polite convocation made by annoyed, drowsy people who cannot be bothered to deal with daft remarks

"Remind me to hit you with a fish" "meh, curry first" peering into the lumpy seething runny red paste, grease was already forming droplets on the surface, his stomach turned. Under most circumstances this would be a delectable meal fit for a king to him, well maybes the king of a small swamp infested with newts or some other equally slimy creature you wouldn't want to find in a salad.

"uuuurg" groaned Gareth "stick the kettle on, I need a brew" The kettle on the counter went click, it boiled in under a minute. There was a click of porcelain cup on the metal table. Gareth looked up "thanks dear" "no problem Hun" said Amy. Ah, he thought, friendly banter, the mental connection to civilised is being coming back again. He fished the tea bag out of the cup with a greasy gauntlet, blew of the steam, and had a little sip.

As the power of addiction settle his stomach, he got up, staggered to the pot and poured the orange goo back into the pot and give it a good stir "so what happened?" "We landed" "No I meant why gravity went skew?_(1)_" "The automatic landing systems where tied into the pilot's panel which got wrecked remember then we dragged you into corridor can had a bit of a cleanup_(2)_"

Gareth contemplated why landing protocols where not included in the in basic programs package on PDAs, it would of been useful just then, the answer was simple because it is bloody useless except in this particular circumstance.

"So we're on the ground?" "Yeh, finally" "then what are we doing here? Let's get going" he spun on the spot and marched strait into the door way. He spun back around "maybes a bit more sitting first" Amy remained silent but observant. Gareth staggered back to the simmering pot, the ladle had sank, the pot was deeper than the spoon letting go of it was a stupid thing to do. He sighed "I hate being nauseous"

1 This sentence is meant to be like this mild concussion does things like that to people

2 He commended them for doing the sensible thing of moving him into the corridor while they cooked, dead or unconscious people are hazardous enough but while cooking they're a real pain because they always manage to get into peculiar places despite being dead or unconscious, they always seem to have arms and legs jutting out at peculiar angles as if deliberately trying to cause inconvenience is the average dead or unconscious body.

On a side note in future please tell me if my story does not look right because I never checked to make sure it was working correctly. I wrote this in MS word and I had line divider things and number bullet points to parts of the story apart and a few other things, none of which showed up on fanfic. A friend pointed it out and I have updated this and the previous chapters to look half decent again, if I make mistakes again point them out and I will fix them, thanks


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